A night out - and paying for it later

I went out after work Saturday.
A friend was having a few other women to her house for wine and conversation. And food. Of course, food.
I had seen a recipe on the Whole Foods blog that looked like a good dish for just such an occasion.
It was girly enough, but still had some substance and nice strong flavors.

Of course, me being me, I could not leave well enough alone.

But my version of the fig and goat cheese tart with arugula salad came out so good, I don't think anyone minded my changes.

The only draw back to the evening was that I stayed out way later than my new normal bedtime of 9:30 p.m. and had a couple busy days after that. I don't think I really caught up on that lost sleep all weekend, making me one tired mama today.

Babies do not care that you stumbled into bed at almost midnight. When they want to be fed at 5:30, they really do not care.

Baby pictures

We have been wanting to get some really nice pictures taken of Ben, and I just happen to know a great photographer for such things.
Finally his schedule and our schedule meshed and we had Kevin Sullivan from Captured Youth come to the house for a little photo shoot a couple weekends ago.
I work with Kevin, so I already knew what a talented photographer he is. But after looking at his portfolio of baby and kid shots, I knew he would deliver some beautiful photos of Ben.
And he more than delivered.
I was so blown away when I saw these yesterday. And after the death Monday of my sweet Lucy cat, I needed something to lift my spirits.
This worked. The photos made me so happy that I almost cried again!
This is what happens when the emotions are already right at the surface, I guess.
Anyway, as a taster of what we can expect to see when we get the 97 proofs (how to choose?), we got a lovely slide show with music to share with friends and family.
We had such a great experience with Kevin, and the photos are stunning.
I am already thinking that we might need to have him come back for another session when Ben turns 1.

Easter Sunday fun day

We had a low-key Easter, including attending an egg hunt at the park in our neighborhood.
There were plastics eggs as far as the eye could see... well, as far as little kid eyes could see anyway.


My nephew collected some Easter goodies (Ben is guarding them) and we got out of the house on a nice, though slightly chilly morning.


Ben is making great progress in the growing up department. He is holding the head up with minimal wobbling and he is close to sitting up without help.

It's hard to believe he will be 4 months old in just a couple weeks.

We are having fun watching his little changes that seem to happen on a daily basis.

I hope everyone had a nice an Easter as we did.

When good boobs go bad

Yup, my boobs. They went bad.
Well, not really bad, just lazy.

I had so much trouble breastfeeding that I just had to write about it.

A Ben update

I left off before Ben had the VCUG, which is basically an X-ray of his bladder, etc.
They filled his bladder with dye then took pictures to see if the dye was backing up into the kidneys, which would be a reflux condition.
Turns out it was not doing that.
The urologist we had been seeing now thinks it is a UPJ obstruction.
But since he doesn't know and, by his own admission, he does not treat many patients as young as Ben, we are moving on.
We have an appointment next week at Childrens Hospital Los Angeles.
I am hoping for a more understanding doctor there.
I also am hoping that they can be more specific in what the problem is and how we treat it.
Since they deal only with kids and parents, maybe they have better bedside manner than the urologist we have been seeing.
Anyway, I have the tests and reports that we have so far (two ultrasounds, the VCUG and the renal scan) for Ben.
Other than the apparent kidney problem, Ben is doing great.
He is smiling and chatting all the time. He sleeps 8, 9 or 10 hours a night and wakes up smiley and happy.
Going back to work was very hard on me, but three weeks back into it and things are improving.
It just makes me appreciate the time with Ben even more.

And the news is not great

So it turns out that Ben most likely needs surgery.
The pediatric urologist here in Torrance wants to refer him to a more special specialist at UCLA.

But first we need a test called a VCUG, to be done here in Torrance next week.

I did some research on the guy at UCLA. He apparently has done a lot to advance minimally invasive surgery in infants and children. So at least that is good.

But the results of the renal scan from last week show that there definitely is fluid backing up into the kidneys. If left untreated, it could cause permanent damage to the kidneys.

At least the VCUG will be quick and will not require Ben to be sedated.

I just wish there was a way to speed up this timeline. We were told Monday that he needed the VCUG, but the first opening is March 4.

We have to wait for the insurance company to OK the referral to the doctor at UCLA. That can take a week, so we probably will not get confirmation on that until next week. Then we will have to see how long it will take to get an appointment with him. Then there will be whatever tests he wants to do on Ben.

And damn me for switching from the PPO to the HMO to save a few bucks on insurance.

Having to wait for referrals is just one more thing slowing down the process of getting Ben treated.

And I go back to work in two weeks.

You really wish there was no need for oxygen masks that small

I did great when they did all the vital sign checks.
I didn't even flinch when it took two nurses several minutes to put in an IV.
I was stoic as they wheeled us from the prep area down to nuclear medicine.
I made sure to ask my questions rationally when the anesthesiologist came in to the room.

But when they put that little oxygen mask on my 2-month-old, I lost it.

We were up early today. Ben's big day. The renal scan.

We had to be to the hospital by 6 a.m. to check him in and start the pre-procedure prep.
He was right on time, waking up at 4:45, giving me plenty of time to give him some water (all he was allowed to have after a 2 a.m. feeding) and giving me time to make myself some tea and breakfast.

We got to Torrance Memorial and got him signed in and up to the short stay area. Once there they weighed and measured him so they could make sure to give him the proper amount of anesthesia later.

They put the tiniest little baby blood pressure cuff on him. It looked like something from a child's toy set. But when they did not have the proper adapter for the machine to read it, they switched to a child's cuff on his leg.

Through all this, though he had to have been hungry, Ben was a champ. He even managed to charm every nurse who came in to help prep him.

When it was time for the IV to be put in they took us to pediatrics. After trying one hand, then a foot to no avail, the first nurse brought in another nurse who was able to get the IV on his left hand. He screamed, of course. But all in all he was quite good the nurses assured us.

So good, so sweet, so strong they kept saying.

Then it was back to the first room.

Finally, shortly after 8 a.m., they came to take us downstairs to nuclear medicine where Ben was laid out on a full size bed while the anesthesiologist explained what he would be doing. We asked our few questions.

And then they put that mask on him and told us it was time for us to go to the waiting room. It had never occurred to me that they would put an oxygen mask on him.

It had never occurred to me that they even made oxygen masks that small. It is just not something one really thinks about in the normal course of a day.

But there it was. A little mask on my big baby, who suddenly seemed like such a tiny baby.

After some more kisses, we left Ben there and went to the waiting room. Me, Nick, my mom... waiting. I had a book with me, but it was impossible to think of anything but Ben.

About an hour later the anesthesiologist came in to tell us that the procedure had gone well and that Ben was fine. He was being moved to post-anesthesia recovery.

A few minutes later we were allowed in to see him. Me, Nick and my mom checked on him, but the area was too small for us all, so I was the only one allowed to wait with him until he was awake.

Several minutes later he started moving the arms and legs, slowly waking up. The eyes fluttered open, the arms were windmilling and the mouth was making the hungry face. But there were no cries.

We needed cries before we could go back upstairs where they would continue to monitor Ben.

Finally, we got the appropriate number of cries and little noises out of him and we were wheeled back up to short stay where we would be for another 90 minutes or so while we fed him and they checked his vitals often.

He ate well and was able to keep it down. Finally, 6 hours after we got there, we were able to leave the hospital and take Ben home with the instructions to change the diaper often and make sure to give him a good cleaning. We were told to wear gloves.

Because our baby will have radioactive pee for the next 24 hours.

And with that, we left to make the short drive home.

By the time we got there our happy, smiling baby was back, wanting to be fed again. The only sign that he had been to the hospital was the little ID band around one wrist and the blue bandage where they had removed the IV.

When it comes to a baby, making tough choices gets tougher

If anyone would have told me that I could fall so totally, completely, head-over-heels in love with a guy in just two months, I would say they were crazy.

But it has happened.

Of course the guy in question is my sweet little bug, Ben.

It was two months ago today that I met Ben, and it did not even take two seconds to love him, let alone two months.

It was love at first sight.

Not that this has been all peaches and cream. We have had our ups and downs these past two months. But all in all, the ups are far greater than the downs.

Ben is a sweet-natured baby. He can look serious and contemplative, but when his little face breaks into a grin that grows wider and wider until his whole face smiles... I melt.

So it seems so unfair that we now are dealing with a medical issue. It seems so unfair that any baby would have to deal with any medical issue, but it is especially rough when it is your own.

When I was pregnant with Ben one of the doctors found something on the ultrasound: There was some extra fluid in Ben's kidneys. We were told that it would most likely clear up and resolve itself before he was born. But I still had ultrasound after ultrasound to monitor it.

And right up to just before he was born, the fluid was still there.

We then were told that most likely it would resolve itself soon after he was born.

When he was just a day old, Ben had an ultrasound of his own. The fluid was still there.

At that point we could only wait and check it again when he was a month old. And there it was, the fluid was still there after a month.

So now we get to the point where we are referred to a specialist.

At this point it still does not seem to concern the doctors terribly and so we don't worry about it too much, but we make the appointment to see the pediatric urologist.

We are told that what Ben has is called hydronephrosis. Basically there is a blockage somewhere along the urinary system. It can be anywhere from the kidney, down the ureters, at the bladder, etc. Whatever it is, it is causing the fluid to build up in the kidneys.

This could be a problem because it can lead to permanent kidney damage if it does not resolve spontaneously or if it is not treated.

The verdict from the urologist is that Ben needs a more comprehensive test. The ultrasound shows that there is a fluid build up, but it cannot show where the blockage is or how serious it is.

And until those things are known, they cannot treat him. So we have an appointment tomorrow to have a test done.

A test that scares us more than we like. It is called a Mag 3 lasix renogram.

What it means for Ben is that they will have to put in an IV and a bladder catheter then inject him with a radioisotope. A camera will then track the isotope along the path from kidney to ureters to bladder until they can see where the system is backed up.

Yes, radio as in radioactive. According to the doctor and the research I did, the exposure is less than a regular x-ray. Sorry, but this does not make me feel better.

And in order to do this test he has to be completely still for about an hour. And the only way to make sure a 2-month-old stays completely still is to sedate him. Again, this does not make me feel better.

But we were told by more than one doctor that this test will give us the most complete picture of what is going on with Ben. So we will be there tomorrow morning at 6 a.m. to get him signed in.

We will watch as they put in an IV. We will wait while our baby goes through something that the doctors say is fairly routine, but that for us is the complete opposite of routine.

And what then? Well, that depends on what they find. There are different treatments for different things based on where the blockage is and how severe it is.

It is easy when the doctor tells me they need to do some test or procedure on me. No big deal.

But when it comes to a baby, that is a whole other story. He has no say in it. We have to make the right decision for him. We can only take the information we get from the various doctors and try to do what is best for Ben.

So please, whatever it is you do for luck or divine intervention, please do that for Ben. Cross your fingers, say a prayer, rub some worry beads... We will take all the good thoughts we can get.

Congratulations... It's Ben!

Well, it has been a busy few months.

Obviously I have not been busy blogging.

But I have good reason: I have been preparing for the arrival of new family member.

On Dec. 16, 2009 at 1:02 p.m. we welcomed our sweet little Benjamin into the family.

Ben was a whopping 10 pounds, 2 ounces at birth and measured 21 inches long.

He arrived in the world with a hearty holler and a full head of hair.

Mom and dad have been having fun getting to know Ben these past couple days.

We are still in the hospital, but hope to be home in a day or two.

For anyone who has been looking for pictures on Facebook, I tried to post there, but the hospital's free wi-fi does not include access to Facebook for some reason.

As for me, I am doing OK. Since the baby was so big there was a little extra effort needed in the c-section to get him out of there. So I am sore and bruised, but improving.

After a day and a half of bed rest I am now able to get up and walk around the hall, pushing Ben in his bassinet. We look like a sad case, but it is helping to be up and moving a few times a day.

Dad has been a great help with the diapers since I have been useless in that area. I am not even allowed to pick Ben up yet. I have to have people bring him to me.

We are all rooming in together in one very small room that is jammed with my bed, a roll-away torture bed for Dad and Ben's little bassinet. Not to mention all the various chairs, IV stands and our junk from home.

We have happily welcomed family and friends to visit in between feedings, naps, all the various poking and prodding.

I will try to post more photos later here and on Facebook once we are home, but no promises on when since we might be just a little busy getting acquainted with sweet Ben.

Thank you all for the congratulations and good wishes. It is nice to have so many people thinking good thoughts for us as we start this new adventure.

The "fun" snack

We started our childbirth classes last week.

As part of the deal, each couple is supposed to sign up to bring a snack.

Each week there should be a "healthy" snack and a "fun" snack.

Me being me, I signed up for a "fun" snack.

I was torn between a proven winner, oatmeal-pecan shortbread, and a new recipe.

Because I like to try new things, the unknown won out.

The choice? Another shortbread.

Lemon-cornmeal shortbread.

And despite the slight unexpected extra crunch from the medium-grind cornmeal, this was quite successful. The flavor was perfect. The only change I will make next time is to use a finer cornmeal. Or maybe even try a corn flour.

Anyway, there was not much of it left by the end of the snack break. And when the teacher/nurse asked the class if there were any questions, one expectant dad asked "Can I get the recipe for those cookies?"

I call that a success.

More baby pictures

These are from week 26 of gestation.
I am a little behind on posting, as I am now nearing week 28.


Here is a little profile.


This is a lovely shot of the baby's spine.


And here is a foot. Which the doctor said looked big.
Hahaha. Of course it has big feet!

The doctor also said that the baby's head was in the 94th percentile for size and that at 26 weeks the baby was measuring at the size of a baby at 28 weeks.

So, this could end up being a very big kid if it keeps growing at that pace.

Other baby news, well really mommy news:
I passed the glucose test, which means I am NOT developing gestational diabetes.
I have, however, become mildly anemic since the last round of blood tests. This just means I need more iron, which can be fixed with one little pill a day.

The baby does have some dilation in the kidney, which means there is fluid there that should not be.
The perinatalogist said that in most cases this clears up before delivery. In the cases where it does not, there are some different treatments for it.

I am trying not to worry too much about that now, and just hoping it does indeed clear up before delivery.

Anyway, it means I will be going back to the perinatalogist in November for another ultrasound.

As the doctor put it, "I am looking forward to seeing how big that baby is by then!"

Making progress

Much activity has been happening around the house in anticipation of the baby's arrival.
Sure, that is not until December, but the time is flying and I want to see progress!
Today, I see progress.
I have been able to help with some of the work, the lighter stuff.
But today the chores are painting and new flooring. These are chores I cannot do.
So Manfriend and a helper are working in the other room while I sit on the couch and blog.
In my defense, I did clean a bathroom and put away four baskets of laundry this morning.

So... What is next for me today?
Not sure.
I think I am at a point where there is not much I can do until they finish.

The room they are working on was a bedroom that I previously had used as storage and a cat space.
That stuff is all in the garage now and we are reclaiming that room for human use.
It will be a tight fit, but that room will be an office and guest room so that what is now the office and guest room can become the nursery.

I know, why not just make that first room the nursery?

It's smaller and it is right off the garage, so I do not like it for a nursery.

Plus the bigger room is already painted the perfect color blue to go with the bedding.

Oh... speaking of the bedding... UPS lost the box with the bedding while the box with all the other little things (lamps, blankets, sheets) showed up fine.
So they put a tracer on it, but it never turned up.

The company I ordered it from assured me they have more of that bedding and will resend a set out to me. I am going to call them Tuesday to make sure.
I am so paranoid that since it has been on clearance that it will not be available.

Anyway... that is my life these days: working, working on the house and stalking my UPS box.

Oh, and watching the belly get bigger by the day.

A work in progress

I have avoided taking belly pictures until now. Really, until now there was no belly to speak of.
But it seems like I woke up one day and there it was!
Last week I was in my regular jeans.
This week I can feel the early stages of the pregnant lady waddle.
I am sure my life in high heels will be coming to an end very soon.

Anyway, here it is, the 23-week belly.


Now that there is really something to see, I will try to post updates as the girth gets girthier.

21-week baby update

Today was another doctor's appointment.
This was just one of the routine ones I get to go for once a month.
No ultrasound. Bummer.

All is well with me and the smudge.

Good, strong baby heartbeat. My blood pressure is good.
All is well.

The only blip on my radar was the fact that I AM getting bigger in the belly, but I was down almost a pound from my ultrasound visit just a few weeks ago.

The doctor said not to worry about this, that I will go up here and down there.

I am attributing my recent tiny weight loss to a continued diet minus booze, with far less junk and with far more lean proteins and veggies (when I can stomach them).

Plus there was last weekend's cleaning binge. I count that as exercise!

So, all is well in baby land.

I go back for a blood glucose test in a month along with a regular check up. In about 5 weeks I get another ultrasound. Yay!

Meanwhile, in baby news...

I had another ultrasound and some other tests done last week.
Results of the tests came in yesterday, and everything looks great!
Here are a couple "baby pictures" from the day.

The kid would not give a good profile like last time, but was happy to give a nice face-front shot.
Which, when rotated like this to get the best look at it, is a little scary!

(Click on the pictures to see them larger.)

Someone pointed out that it looks like the kid is flipping the bird.

Yep. My kid!

So, I am now 19 weeks along. For those unfamiliar, this means I am about halfway through my 40 weeks of gestation.

So what have I been up to?

Now that most people who had been reading this blog on a regular basis have probably given up on it... I have news!

I am knocked up, y'all!

Yup. Bun in the oven, in a family way, with child.

Originally my due date was pegged at Jan. 1, 2010. But after yesterday's ultrasound I was told that I am either due earlier or I am going to deliver a 13-pound baby.

Soooo... the due date was revised to Dec. 24.

It has been an interesting couple of months since I found out I am pregnant. There has been the nausea, the fatigue, the worry, the excitement, the gotta-pee-every-10-minutes... All the normal stuff.

The doctor yesterday - a perinatal specialist because I am considered an old mom - said everything looks excellent.

It is a very exciting time and I am looking forward to (most of) it.

So, now you know where I have been: too tired to blog.

I also have been too queasy and tired to cook, but that is starting to get a little better. So maybe the food blog will resume soon, too.

In the meantime, I hope to be here more. And not posting only about baby stuff, though that may be the bulk of it.

Here is a video if the little bugger (no, we have not decided yet if we will find out the gender). Or if it is slow to play for you here and you really, REALLY want to see it, click here to watch it on YouTube.

I love a rainy night

I woke up today to find that it had rained overnight.
It is still gray and gloomy out and I love that.
It makes me want to make soup. So I think I will. Potato-leek or red pepper? Maybe both and then, with salads and bread, I won't have to cook all week.
I am a big fan of soup. I can eat soup in pretty much any weather. I am one of those crazy people who even like soup in the summer.
But I really only like to make it when the weather (what we get of it here) starts to turn cool and gray.
A nice pot of soup bubbling on the stove makes things feel cozy.

Yesterday was a nice, clear but cool day.

I went to the farmers market on the Peninsula with my sister and her baby.
We just wandered a bit, bought a couple little things (leeks for my soup and a sourdough round, yum!). Then we got some teriyaki and rice at one of the stands and had lunch.
It was a nice relaxing day.

And I got to spend some time with my nephew.

I know I am biased, but that boy is just too cute.

Last time they were over, George ran as soon as he saw the baby toddling toward him.

It wasn't that long ago, but long enough that the baby was just getting used to the whole toddling business. So he wasn't very fast.

This time he was quicker and he was able to catch up to George.

George definitely was not sure what to make of the tiny person coming toward him, arms outstretched.

But the fat cat was actually pretty good about the whole thing, even when the baby leaned over and pressed right on George's big belly.

There were only a couple hissing incidents and no sign at all of George baring his claws or acting like he might bite.

The rest of my weekend (today) will be more kitchen organizing. I need to get more shelf liner.

Which is a dangerous thought since it involves a trip to Target, my favorite place to impulse buy.
Then I want to get that soup going and get the rest of the stuff out of the guest room and back in the kitchen.
I was going to paint the baseboards before attaching them, but with the wet weather, I think I may wait until next weekend.

There you go, probably more than you needed to know.

Holy ... um... water. That wasn't as bad as I thought.

So the baptism went off without a hitch.
There were eight babies in the ceremony. I was stunned that it was not bedlam.
Of the eight babies, only one had parents who wanted it totally dunked in the baptismal font rather than just having the water poured over the forehead.
No, that was NOT my nephew.
My sister asked me about that. She considered it.
But I pointed out that if they poured the water over the forehead, she would have to deal with a baby with a wet head.
If they dunked him, swim diaper and all, into the font, she would have to deal with a WHOLE wet baby.
She opted for the less messy scenario.
You know, I find it funny that they "wash the babies of their sins" at a baptism.
Um, these are infants. My nephew, at 9 months old, may have even been about the oldest one. What sins do these babies have?
And before anyone explains the concept of original sin to me, I was raised Catholic. I know the deal. That doesn't mean it makes sense in a logical way.
Bring him back at 18, then 35, then 50, etc. Baptize him then. No doubt he will have racked up some sin by that time.
But 9 months?

Pray for me (and for the helpless baby - no, not MY baby)

OK. So today is my nephew's baptism.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am not really a religious person. But my sister asked me to be the baby's godmother.
Of course I said yes.
Then I asked who was going to be the godfather (Let him be cute, I thought! Let him be tall!). I was told that it is just me. NO godfather. Just me.
Damn.
Oh wait... I probably shouldn't curse in a post about a baptism.
So what does it mean to be a godmother? It's not all Disney fairy tales and turning pumpkins into carriages.
My understanding is that I am supposed to help guide his spiritual development.
Hmm.
My idea of spiritual development is the fermentation process of turning grape juice into wine.
Yeah, I know. Bad joke.
Anyway, I was thinking that it might be hypocritical of me to be a godmother when I am not the least bit religious. Then I thought about it.
I might not be religious, but I believe in a higher power. The power of a strong family and the power that has in making a good kid a good adult.
I don't have to be religious to help the kid build a strong set of values and beliefs.
So I have fully embraced my role as godmother.
Besides, I got to buy a new dress for the occasion and there will be cake afterward.